I just finished Harry Potter, so I’ve been on a bit of a bender the past couple weeks. But like every good bender, it leads you to some great thought sequences. This one in particular led me to imagining NBA players, both past and present, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I could’ve probably done the whole league at the rate I was going, but I decided to keep it to four players per house.
LeBron belongs here because he’s the Harry Potter of the league in my eyes. LeBron is The Boy Who Lived (in Akron). He’s one of the greatest and most famous players who has ever lived, like his counterpart, and has had his temptation of the other house, Miami (Slytherin). Now I’m not saying Miami is the Slytherin of the NBA, all I’m saying is that, like Harry was with Slytherin, LeBron was tempted to take his talents elsewhere, perhaps believing he belonged somewhere else. But LeBron knew his destiny and where he belonged and thus made the return to Cleveland.
Dwyane Wade is like Ron Weasley in this scenario. He’s viewed as LeBron’s sidekick in a sense, but is a tremendous player on his own, like how Ron is in the novels. Dwyane Wade has also displayed great skill and bravery on the court, earning him a spot with Gryffindor.
Russell Westbrook earns a spot on Gryffindor due to his heart, loyalty, and bravery. Westbrook didn’t leave OKC when the road ahead looked bleak. He persevered and carved his own path of greatness, showing no fear no matter who he went up against.
Wilt Chamberlain is like Godric Gryffindor. He’s an absolute legend whose skill and achievements are shrouded in legend and mystique. He was a world-class talent whose name will live on forever.
Steph Curry is like that dude Ernie Macmillan. A tad arrogant and jealous of Harry (LeBron in this case). But at the end of the day, Curry is a kind person who is willing to fight and show off his tremendous skill.
He just looks like he belongs in Hufflepuff.
Shaq is known for being easy-going and getting along with everyone (except Kobe). Shaq has been around the league and back, seeming to be on every team towards the end of his career, leading him to being a kind, accepting person, like a Hufflepuff.
John Stockton is an unassuming character, not really known for having much of a personality (or at least one that I know of), but he is filled to the brim with dedication, hard-work, and loyalty. Christ the man spent his entire career in Utah. That takes a lot of dedication in itself.
Jaylen Brown is one of the smartest players in the league and was an exceptional academic and basketball talent at Cal. He even took grad-level classes as a freshman. His talent and brain make him perfect for Ravenclaw.
Jabari Parker, Kawhi Leonard, & Tim Duncan
These next three guys, Jabari Parker, Kawhi Leonard, Tim Duncan I’m grouping them together to avoid repeating myself three times in a row. Each are quiet, unassuming players who are world-class talents and known for their extensive basketball knowledge. Although Parker has not played much due to injury, I feel he belongs here along with Kawhi who is quiet and a bit odd, but no doubt one of the best players in the league. As well as Tim Duncan, one of the greatest players of all time, but also one of the smartest, most unassuming players of all time. Fun fact: Duncan only got ejected in one game his entire NBA career and it was for laughing on the bench… If that doesn’t just perfectly describe Tim Duncan as a person.
Kobe Bryant is like Draco Malfoy. He wishes to be the one looked upon as the greatest of all time and as a bit of a villain so badly that he gave himself his own nickname, Black Mamba, which is a type of snake so that works out perfectly too. This is like how Draco in The Chamber of Secrets (SPOILERS) wished that he was the one who was the heir to Slytherin and could speak parseltongue.
“Kevin Durant is a snake”. But in all seriousness, the reason I put KD here is because he would totally be the wizard to join the Dark Lord once he sees the going get tough. My Next Chapter…
Reggie Miller makes such a perfect villain. Not to say that all members of Slytherin are villains, but every villain is from Slytherin usually, making Miller a perfect fit here. Miller is a master at taunting and messing with his opponents, like any great villain is.
Isiah Thomas & Bill Laimbeer
Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer are grouped together here because that’s just the way I think. I can’t take one here without the other, so we’ll just group them together, pretend they’re one person and call it a day, shall we? Anyways, Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer are perfect for Slytherin because they’re the bad boys. They played rough, tough basketball that pissed off anyone they faced. What member of Slytherin didn’t piss you off as you were reading?