Zach’s Night Before Christmas

The dance of the sugarplums puts my mind at ease

As I find myself in a colorful dream

Yet all too quickly the dream fades away

Much like water down a drain

My eyes drift open, caught in a daze

On the eve of one of my favorite days

Christmas Eve! And here I am awake

I’m trying to rest up for Jesus’ birthday for Christ’s sake!

I roll over to drift back to sleep

When a smell arose so wondrous it made me weep

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!

My nose practically singing like an all-boys choir

I float out of bed to follow the scent

And down the stairs is exactly where I went

My feet touch the ground and oh! What a sight!

Screaming!  Shouting!  With all my might

For there he was, Ol’ Saint Nick,

Holding a big ol’ box of matchsticks!

And if you think that alone is a sight to be seen,

He also had a can full of gasoline!

The red faced man of the holidays

Had lit my Christmas tree up in a fiery blaze!

The smell of chestnuts was simply a ruse!

All to lure me down here, oh was he ever amused!

He smirked and flicked one more match onto the tree

All whilst turning and striding with pride towards the chimney

I sprint with rage towards the cynical Santa

God, he was so plump, looking like a panda

Just as I was beginning to pounce

I was met by a fatal jounce

I fall to the ground in a heap

Christ I practically went right to sleep

That big fellow sure packed a punch

Soaked that one like a sponge

He laughed and kicked me while I was down

Then spit a bit onto my evening gown

Then like that ol’ ditty goes

“Up the chimney he rose”

Dick.

After tonight’s dastardly events

I vow to get my revenge

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